Murder, He Yowled
by ShivaVixen
Summary: (Human AU, mix of Nyotalia and normal Hetalia characters) The most excitement this small town has had is the current divorce proceedings of Amelia Jones and Arthur Kirkland; until someone is murdered, that is. Can Amelia's pets solve the crime before their beloved human ends up on the killer's list? Inspired by Rita Mae Brown's Mrs. Murphy Mysteries.
1. Chapter 1

**So, my computer isn't working, but I can use the copy and paste toupload stories. Unfortunately, Sea Foam and the other stories are on the computer, and it'll take a week to figure out what the heck is wrong with the darn thing.**

**So this, hopefully short, story is just until I get the computer working again . . .**

**This is a loosely based parody of Rita Mae Brown's Mrs. Murphy Mysteries- They're murder mysteries, and very good if you like animals. One of the books was made into a movie titled Murder, She Purred. It was different from the book of course, but it was still pretty good.**

**Mix of pairings, mostly het, so I will be using a mix of nyotalia and normal hetalia characters. If you have a request for a background pairing, feel free to give it in a review**.

* * *

The tiny little town was surrounded by farms and cattle ranches. It had a small public library, the city hall and police station on one side of main street, the post office was on the otherside, and there were various small family owned buisnesses lining the streets. The largest buisness was a cement plant that was actually thirty minutes from the city proper.

It was the type of town where everyone knew the families and gossip was a better source of information than the small town paper, which only stayed in buisness because it provided facts to either soothe or stir up the gossipers.

While there was a mayor, most of the town was owned by the Vargas family, the patriarch, a humorous old gentleman known to his favorites as 'Grandpa Rome', the rest just knew him as Mr. Vargas. He was a self made man with a good heart (though it was well known that his eyes may have wandered in his youth) He had two granddaugthers (their parents lost in a tragic car wreck) that were practically the princesses of the town. Anything they wanted, they could get.

Being a small town, the Vargas family did have a "court" of sorts. Key players in the town who kept day to day life simple, most grandchildren of the men and women that helped set up the town with Mr. Vargas. The mayor, of course, a man by the name of Roderich Edelstein; The Sheriff, a man named Sadiq Adnan; Vash Zwingili, the town doctor; The Bonnefoy family, who ran the bakery; Wang Yao, who owned the grocery store and a small farm; Antonio Fernandez-Carriedo, who owned a small cafe; Heracles Karpusi, the Librarian, who was best friends with Honda Kiku, the owner of the small newspaper; The Kirkland Family, who was the second wealthiest family (and with the title came a deep seated grudge with Fernandez-Carriedo, who believed the Kirklands had cheated his family out of their land a generation ago) and finally the postmistress, a headstrong young woman named Amelia Jones who was the source of the most recent wave of gossip.

Amelia owned her own farm and land, and had already caused a slight stir by not changing her name when she married Arthur Kirkland, and stubbornly keeping her own assets seperate from her husband. It had blown over because Mr. Vargas had stood up for her, and life had gone on as normal for about two years when Amelia once again caused a stir- this time by divorcing her husband.

Currently, not many people were seeking her company- they were not rude or even hostile, but the fact it was Amelia who filed for divorce, claiming 'irreconciable differences', had caused a lot of people to feel sorry for Arthur Kirkland.

His tendency to get drunk because of the divorce was a large factor of the sympathy.

"It's not like I care what they think, but ya'd think they had something better to do." Amelia ruefully noted to Tony, her large grey and white mutt of a dog. Tony snorted as if in agreement, and then turned to look at the back door of the post office, a loyal guard dog.

'Damn Humans, they have nothing better to do than insult my Amelia.'

'Tony, you do realize Amelia is human, right?' Hero, Amelia's cat looked down from where he lounged on the counter.

'She's a better person than any of them, it's that damn limey, turning them against her!' To say that there was no love between Tony and Arthur would be and understatement, the mutt loved Amelia, who had raised him from puppyhood, but had never liked Arthur.

'It'll turn out alright, Amelia will settle the divorce and everything will turn out fine.' Hero soothed, yet again. 'Oh, here comes the sausage brothers!'

'You only think with your stomach, don't you? Here I thought you were a cat.' Tony still turned his attention to the two humans, who treated his Amelia with kindness.

"Hey Amelia! The awesome me is here to brighten your day!" Gilbert Beillschmidt, the prodigal son of the Beillschmidt family having disapeared for four years before randomly returning to his brother's life (and house) with no explanation and a pet bird, grinned. "How have you been?"

"Same as yesterday, I'm afraid." Amelia sorted stamps.

"Amelia, I'd like to meet with you tomorrow, to go over the paperwork." Ludwig Beillschmidt was a lawyer, as well as a dog breeder (In fact, Tony had been a gift from Ludwig to Amelia, as the mutt was the result of a stray jumping the fence).

"Of course." Amelia nodded.

"It will get better, I promise." Ludwig awkwardly gripped her shoulder.

"I know, it's almost over, I can make it another few weeks." Amelia smiled. "Any new litters?"

"Not yet, the last litter was rough for Blackie, I'm going to have to wait." Ludwig picked up the new topic easily. "I did find a fellow breeder willing to breed Aster. How's Tony?"

"Good, had some trouble with fleas a week ago, but I got that sorted out."

"You could try-"

"Boring! Amelia, you and I should go out sometime, we'll grab Matthias and have some fun." Gilbert offered.

"I'll celebrate when the divorce is finalized." Amelia promised.

"You better." Gilbert grinned. "Hey Antonio!" Gilbert gave an undignified choking sound as Ludwig, exasperated, yanked his brother out of the Post Office with a farewell to Amelia.

"Morning Amelia! How are you doing?" Antonio smiled at her.

"Morning, and I'm doing alright, you?" Amelia returned the smile.

"Just fine, oh that reminds me, I've got some new t-shirt ideas, and I could use a feminine eye."

"I'd be happy to, but shouldn't you try asking Lovina first?"

" . . . She turned me down again. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong." Antonio was genuinely confused.

"Trouble with l'amour? Allow me to help!" Both Amelia and Antonio jumped as Francis Bonnefoy and his sister Susane entered the shop. Francis wasted no time wrapping his friend in his arms. "First you should be more forceful and- ow!" Susane hit him with the mail.

"Don't take advantage." She walked out without a word to Amelia.

Francis didn't miss the way Amelia's shoulder's slumped at his sister's dismissal. He released Antonio who gave a cheerful goodbye as he left. "I wouldn't take it personally, ma cher, Arthur was never the right man for you, too controlling."

"Yeah, I know . . ." Amelia sighed.

"If you want, I can help get the town to look another way."

"No thanks, I'll deal with it." Amelia smiled. "But thank you for the offer . . . Uh-oh." Amelia froze staring at the entrance. Francis turned, and winced. Arthur was walking up the street, and he was frowning- along with a slight waver that signaled he was drunk. "He's drinking again?"

"I'll distract him, you best stay here ma cher, this will get ugly." Amelia nodded, and Francis left.

"Good morning Ms. Jones." Eduard von Bock, the owner of the cement company, entered, placing a package on the counter and adjusting his glasses.

"Good morning." Amelia calmly took the package to weigh. "Do you need this express?"

"That would be preferable, I don't suppose you could overnight it?"

"I can try, but given last week's mess with the mail, express might be the best way to go." Amelia marked the package.

"Then go with that . . . Ms. Jones, has anyone tampered with my mail?"

"Why?"

"No, you wouldn't let that happen. I'll see you tomorrow." He walked out, past the fighting forms of Francis and Arthur.

"See you tomorrow." Amelia echoed, confused.

"Morning Amelia!" Feliciana and her sister Lovina entered. "Oh, wait, it's lunch, good afternoon then!"

"Hmph." Lovina ignored Amelia entirely, getting the mail.

"Afternoon, how are you today?"

"Pretty good, oh, I have a new pasta recipe-"

"Feliciana, we're going."

"Oh, okay, see you later Amelia!" Feliciana waved as her sister pulled her out.

'It's okay Amelia, you've still got us, we're better than them.' Tony nuzzled her leg. Amelia absently scratched his head. Outside, both Francis and Arthur were being seperated by the Sheriff and his deputy.

The rest of the day passed normally, and Amelia closed up at 5, heading home.

At one point, the Jones' barn had been full of horses, now there was only one, an American Paint with a white spot in the shape of a whale . . . And was so creatively named Whale.

"And work is never done . . ." Amelia jumped straight into her chores, Whale coming in and affectionately nudging her. "Hang on, hang on."

'Another bad day?' Whale noted.

'The human, Francis has earned a couple points in my opinion.' Tony sat down to guard the barn.

'Oh, and I think Gilbert wants to date Amelia!' Hero purred, jumping onto a stall wall.

'Gilbert, the one with the bird, right?' Whale's ear perked up at the sound of oats. 'He gives me sugar.'

'Not acceptable, he's too unreliable.' Tony laid down.

'You don't think anyone's acceptable.' Hero sighed.

'I was right about the limey wasn't I?'

Amelia tossed her jacket to the side as she finally came in from her chores. Putting food down for Hero and Tony, she grabbed a sandwich and headed for the living room. She crossed another day off the calendar and hit play on her message machine (old fashioned, but it helped in screening calls from certain men she didn't want to talk to at the moment).

Beep! "Amelia, it's Ian, Arthur's brother, just thought I should warn you, Arthur's drinking today . . . And I probably just missed you."

Beep! "Amelia- chan, this is Kiku, I know you're screening calls . . . This is a reminder that I need to speak with you thursday about the cuckoo clocks. See you tomorrow for my mail."

Beep! "Hey, it's Feliciana, so anyway, I have a new pasta recipe, but no one wants to taste test, and I was hoping you wouldn't mind taste testing? Give me a call when you get a chance!"

Beep! "Ms. Jones, Eduard von Bock, I'd like to speak with you tomorrow morning, as soon as the post office opens. Thank you."

"Great . . . I'm probably in trouble again." Amelia sighed. Tony jumped up on the couch, resting his head on her lap, Hero coming up behind her to lay on her shoulders. "Early morning tomorrow boys, I'm going to turn in for the night."

* * *

**Yes, I made Tony a dog and Whale a horse. (Because there aren't a lot of whales in farm country) America's cat isn't given a name other than Americat in subs, so I gave it the name 'Hero'.**

**I was looking up dog breeds a while back, and I found a description of a dog that said that the male was a loyal dog, and a good guard dog for a single woman because it wouldn't trust any man that didn't earn the dog's approval. Thus, Tony is going to jealously guard Amelia.**

**Susane is the name I gave to the 2p nyotalia France for this story, mostly because most parents are more creative and are not going to give the same name in different gender-versions to their kids. Susane means lily, which is the national flower for France.**

**Yes, Rome is alive in this fic, I want to mess around with how characters would react to him. I used the Nyotalia versions of the italies, primarily because I needed Lovina to act as a foil and, well Lovino would be nice to Amelia. By the way, Lovina is the name of an actual beach, and is a valid name, Feliciana, on the other hand, I'm not so sure of. Oh well.**

**Speaking of names, did I spell Estonia's 'human name' right?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Still working on my computer, it's sort of working. It turns on and I can type, internet is apparently a seperate issue.**

Sheriff Sadiq Adnan was quite happy with his job, there were occasional drunks, domestic disputes, teens drinking and or vandalizing property, and the occasional runaway, but for the most part, it was a peaceful job.

Now if only he didn't have to talk to the obnoxious Greek Brat that worked the library, life would be wonderful.

The phone had rung just as he finished tying his shoes to head in to work. "Yes?"

"Sir, we've got a problem at the Cement plant." Deputy Gupta M Hassan had been on the other end.

"What happened?" Probably vandals, was his first thought.

"One of the machines was leaking fluid, and the workers opened it. They found a dead body."

"Damn." Sadiq blinked. "I'm on my way, call Dr. Zwingili, we'll need him."

Now, Chief Adnan was getting the sinking feeling that today was going to be hell. The machine in question was some sort of grinder for gravel, and the body had been partially grinded before the machine jammed up- which had been happening a lot to this machine, due to a mechanical quirk of some kind. The workers explained that they were going to get a new grinder, as Mr. Von Bock had finally gotten annoyed with the machine.

Sadiq ignored the fact that one of his officers had to dash to the bathroom as they extracted the body, he was feeling equally queasy.

"It's Von Bock." Dr. Zwingili sighed, he'd seen bodies mauled from car wrecks, but this was a lot worse.

"How can you tell?" Sadiq tried not to look at the missing bits.

"He still has his wallet." The doctor passed the wallet in question over. Sadiq took it and looked over it.

"Alright, I'm going to need an autopsy, this could have been an accident or foul-play." Sadiq got Deputy Hassan's attention. "Start checking with the workers, find out who saw him last, I'm going to go check his office."

Said office was impeccably neat, except for a cold mug of tea, and the computer keyboard, which was partially off the desk. A page had been ripped out of the appointment book that was open on the desk.

"Here's hoping that there will be fingerprints . . ." Sadiq's already bad feeling had been worsening steadily. He made note of the things out of place, and turned on the answering machine as Deputy Hassan entered. There were a few buisness calls that Von Bock had not erased, but more interesting were two of the more recent calls

"Mr. Von Bock, this is Amelia Jones, you called requesting a meeting, and I am alright with meeting as soon as I open the Post Office, I'll try your house phone but I assume I'll see you tomorrow."

"Mr. Von Bock, this is Amelia Jones, you called last night reqeusting a meeting as soon as the Post Office opened, and, well, it's been thirty minutes, did you forget? Please, call me back." And that was the last message. Sadiq glanced at Gupta.

"What do you think?"

"There was a problem with Mr. Von Bock's mail and he wished to correct it as soon as possible- he wrote it down." The deputy pointed at the open planner, and indeed, there was a note about meeting Amelia Jones to discuss mail.

"Someone went through his mail." Sadiq realized, the envelopes were scattered. "I'm going to talk to our postmistress, try and get fingerprints, and collect yesterday's mail . . . She might remember what she put in the box."

Theoretically, the postmen didn't know what they put in people's boxes. This assumed that either a) they had horrible memories or b) they weren't human and didn't have to look at envelopes to put them in the right boxes. And Amelia Jones, while she kept quiet about what was put in the post boxes, was by nature a curious person.

* * *

'Sheriff's coming.' Hero noted from his spot on the counter.

'He's early, he normally doesn't come until just before Amelia closes.' Tony shifted into Alert as the door opened.

"Morning Sheriff, you're early today." Amelia smiled.

"Morning . . . can we speak in private?" Sadiq gestured to the back.

"Ok." Amelia was a little confused, but let him behind the counter. "Would you like some coffee?"

"Yes, thank you." As Sadiq pondered the best way to start the conversation, Tony smelled something he didn't like.

'He's got blood on him. Human. Something's happened.'

"Thank you," Sadiq accepted the mug, and decided to come straight to the point, "You had an appointment with Mr. Von Bock this morning correct?"

"Yes, how did you know?" Amelia sat down across from him.

"I'll explain in a minute, can you tell me what was the meeting about?"

"There was a problem with his mail, I guess. He asked an odd question when he picked up his mail yesterday, but changed his mind and left, later I got a message after finishing my chores. I called him back, got his message machine, and when I came in this morning, he didn't show." Amelia shrugged. "I don't know why."

"Can you tell me what happened when he picked up his mail?"

"Sure. He came in just before noon, before the Vargas sisters, he had a package he wanted to send express, and when he got his mail asked if it was possible the mail had been tampered with. I was too surprised to get an answer out, and he said something about me not letting that happen, said good bye and left." Amelia shifted. "Francis Bonnefoy and Arthur were fightin outside."

"I remember that." Sadiq sighed. Arthur had been drunk and threatening to curse them or something, and Francis had been, well, Francis, though strangely quiet. He'd seen Mr. Von Bock walk past.

"Why do you need to know? Did something happen?"

"Mr. Von Bock was in an accident, I'm sure you'll be hearing about it soon." The workers would probably tell their families, and in moments the news that Mr. Von Bock was found in a grinder would spread throughout the town, it was next to impossible to stop gossip. "He . . . Didn't make it, we're trying to figure out who was the last to see or speak with him." Sadiq left out the possibility that someone had killed him, no reason to have wild theories going until after they had the facts. "Could you tell me what was in Mr. Von Bock's mail?"

" . . . I can't remember if you need a warrant or court order for me to tell you that." Amelia had read the rules and regulations, but some parts had gotten real technical, and she couldn't remember if it was allowed.

"If someone is dead, I don't think I do, unless I was asking for the current contents of the box- I'm just asking if anything struck you about yesterday's mail."

"Bills, he probably got some payments, there were several official looking envelopes . . . A magazine . . . Oh, he did get a postcard, it had a stone angel on it, from somewhere in Ireland, I think." Amelia sighed. "I'm going to need official notification of Mr. Von Bock's death so I can close up his box, damnit, I hate filling out paperwork."

"Most people do." Sadiq stood up. "I'll notify his next of kin that they need to talk to you, if you remember anything else . . ."

"You'll be the first to know." Amelia nodded, and rubbed Tony's head before standing. "You can take the cup with you, until you can get your own." Sadiq's fingers were reluctant to release the cup- it was nowhere near as strong as he'd like it, but it was coffee.

"Thank you." Sadiq slipped out.

Amelia almost groaned as she recognized the grocer rushing over. It was going to be one of those days.

"Amelia, have you heard?"

"Heard what?" Because in this town, it could be anything.

"Mr. Von Bock was found dead this morning, apparently he slipped into some sort of machine and was killed! Was that the Sheriff?" Yao blinked, realizing who had been exiting the building.

"Yes, it was."

"Why was he here?" Yao asked, curious.

"Trying to figure out when Mr. Von Bock died yesterday, I guess he's trying to recreate the timeline or something."

"Then why stop here?"

"Probably for the same reason you are." Amelia offered, deflecting the chinese man away. "How are you doing?"

"Just fine, no complaints . . . Although," Yao began and Amelia blanked her expression, "I would like it if you would stop this nonsense and take Arthur back."

"Yao, you don't like Arthur, why would you care?"

"He's becoming a nuisance, Amelia, whatever your differences, I'm sure you can fix them."

"I thought so too, Yao." Amelia sighed, and Yao blinked, surprised. "But he wouldn't listen and a girl can only take so much before . . ." The girl shook her head. "We're better off seperate." Yao shifted as Amelia began to hastily pretend she hadn't been sad. A suspicion that he hadn't considered before popped into his head.

"Amelia . . . He never, hurt you, physically, I mean."

"No! We just, couldn't live together." Amelia freaked out, the last thing she wanted was rumors like that getting out. "He never physically hurt me, and don't you dare start spreading rumors like that!"

"I do not spread rumors! I just discuss what I hear!" Yao huffed. But he did promise not to discuss the topic.

While the two humans talked Hero and Tony were talking as well. 'You want to do what?' Hero asked. Tony looked at the cat in annoyance.

'I want to check out the cement place, something didn't smell right.' Tony sat down so he could look up at the cat. 'You're going to stay with Amelia.'

'Why do I have to stay?'

'Because one of us has to stay with her in case there is trouble, and I'm much faster.' Tony explained.

'Oh, fine.' Hero pouted, wrapping his tail around him. Tony chose to ignore the sulking feline in favor of making sure Yao did not upset Amelia anymore.

* * *

"I know your upset about the divorce, but that isn't an excuse to start drinking first thing in the morning!" Ian Kirkland, the oldest of the Kirkland siblings quickly locked up the liquor cabinet before his brother could get another bottle- how had the younger man gotten the key away from him, anyway?

"Sod off, you're not the boss of me!" Arthur snapped. "Besides you're probably glad!"

"Unfortunately, I am not that cruel of a brother, and I'm trying to make sure you don't do something stupid." Ian snapped back.

"Which is a bit late, don't you think?" Peter, the youngest Kirkland grinned from where he was watching.

"You're not helping." Ian informed him as Arthur twitched.

"What? I'm just saying, he's stupid for letting her go- He's not even trying to win her back or anything!" Peter pointed out. "Not to mention, making her want to leave in the first place!"

"Again, not helping. Arthur, you- where do you think you're going Casey?" Ian was distracted by a figure dashing for the door.

"Getting the mail, what else?" A female red-head huffed. "I need to talk to Amelia about blocking certain letters."

"You're all on her side!"

"Don't be silly, it's only Erin and Peter on her side, Owen and I are sort of on your side, and Mam and Ian are neutral- but that has nothing to do with the mail, which I have to speak with Amelia about." Casey huffed.

"That'll have to wait, unless you've made an appointment, I need help keeping him away from any alcohol."

"No, I'll make an appointment for tomorrow."

* * *

"Thanks, Tino." Amelia smiled as she passed the mail truck driver the last bag for the night.

"Anytime! See you tomorrow morning." He waved as he started up the truck. He'd deliver the mail to the city that was roughly an hour away, before coming back home.

"See ya!" Amelia turned and locked the door, Hero jumping onto her shoulder and Tony waiting obediently by the bottom steps. "Alright, let's head home."

'I'll head out once she's asleep, no need to worry her.' Tony explained at Hero's look.

'And you're hungry.' Hero added, before purring.

* * *

**Yes, I killed off Estonia. I'm going to kill off another character, and while there are nations that haven't been shown, I am trying to limit the amount of obvious OCs in this fic, so a cannon character is the killer.**

**Ian- Scotland**

**Casey- N. Ireland**

**Erin- Ireland**

**Owen- Wales**

**Mam Kirkland- Britannia (sp?)**

**And Peter of course, is Sealand**

**Finland driving a mailtruck . . . Well, I couldn't give him a sleigh . . .**


End file.
